Happy New Year Dear Friends!
The earth has taken another couple of turns around the sun since I last showed up in this space. I thought my grief was on its way out, but it was just the beginning. I had just regained my center last Spring when my identical twin sister committed suicide. Losing her has impacted me profoundly. Healing is feeling and I have felt it all. In memory of her I wanted to share my words from her Celebration of Life this past Summer.
When we lose someone so suddenly, it is hard to accept the loss. It feels like you are going to wake up and it all will have just been a terrible nightmare. Days turn into weeks and weeks become months and the reality becomes starkly visible. She is gone. She won’t be at work on Monday. We aren’t taking the trip to Spain with Linda and all the cousins that we intended to. She won’t be at Sarah’s graduation. She’s not going to move in with her friend Michelle to start a new life. The girls weekend to Avila beach with Suzanne and Jennifer is now just an idea that will never manifest. So many more memories we had to create. So many more memories she had to create.
This is not how our love story was meant to end. Not so soon. Not in this way! I know that Michaela’s departure has been very shocking and painful. But Michaela is at peace. This I know for certain. It helps me to imagine that she has embarked on a journey. Though unseen, she hasn’t departed forever. Her presence lingers in our hearts, and her laughter echoes in the whispers of the breeze.
I asked Spirit for one word that would best describe Michaela and I was given, “Hostess”. I laughed out loud because one of her and my favorite games to play together as children was “Hotel”. We also did hostess duty for our dads restaurant when we were in grade school. Later, as teenagers, we worked together as housekeepers at the Green Gables Inn in Pacific Grove where we went to High School. Not surprisingly, at our senior Awards dinner, she received the Achievement Award for Home Economics. She was an excellent chef and a talented seamstress. She also had a magic touch when it came to gardening. Plants flourished under her care.
It was not surprising that she became a stay-at-home Mom when her son Matthew was born. When her children arrived, I saw her come alive like never before. Matthew and Sarah were her greatest treasure. She devoted herself to attachment style parenting. She educated herself about the benefits of breast feeding and a family bed and she embraced it all. When my daughter Caroline was born, she was there for me with so much encouragement and support. We were living in the same housing development in Foxboro, Massachusetts at that time. We could actually walk to each other’s homes. Those were magical times.
A few years and one relocation later and she and I were both back in California. Sarah had arrived and just a few months behind her, my son Spencer was born. So many beautiful memories of those days when we were both just Moms. We were able to spend as much time together as we liked. After I went back to work, Summer was when got to see each other the most. We always enrolled our kids in the summer reading program at the Carmel Library where our mom had worked when we were growing up.
Little did we know that the library would become the next chapter in her life when Matthew and Sarah were no longer children. My sister adored working for the library. She was an avid reader, often reading more than one book at a time. She was also a talented and prolific writer. She graduated with a degree in Journalism from Fresno State and she used the skills she learned to write a novel and many short stories. The library, where she was known as Ms. Michaela, was her Happy Place. She had a number of different part-time jobs at Harrison Memorial before getting her full-time job in the children’s department. I remember clearly when she found out that she got hired. She told me it was her dream job and it was. She got to create her own summer reading events for a whole new generation of children. My son has fond memories of volunteering at these events. The Star Wars themed one is a favorite. She loved her co-workers and the young patrons and she loved being in Carmel.
But she also loved being a Hostess. Most of you probably know that she also owned a business, Valley Eden. She and her partner created their very own little Inn, just like the one she and I pretended to own when we were girls. If you ever had the opportunity to stay at Valley Eden, you have been blessed. She was an excellent Hostess and she had over 250 rave reviews to prove it. She loved sharing her hospitality and our magical Valley with guests from all over.
Michaela was also a Hostess and a mom to many fur babies of the feline persuasion. She started out fostering kittens. She had never considered herself to be a cat person, but once she fostered her first set of kittens, she was smitten. Roxy became her first cat baby. Many more would follow. She would promise herself that she wasn’t going to adopt the foster kittens but, invariably, she could not help herself. She became a “Cat Lady” and she fully embraced it. The cats, like her plants, flourished under her care.
Michaela was curious about the universe and was a deeply spiritual person. Nature was her church. She was kind and compassionate and held a deep affection for Mother Earth and all her creatures. She loved live music and attended shows any opportunity she got. She was also a dancer and a Yogi. One of her offerings at Valley Eden was sacred dance and movement. Both were part of her daily practice. I will remember the golden hues in her hair and those sparkling, naughty eyes. With each rising sun, I will hear her laughter. I will call out to her, seek her counsel, and connect with her just like before. She is not gone, she has just slipped into the other room.
I look forward to sharing more with you in the coming weeks and months. My healing journey continues to be guided by magic, plant medicine and the cycles of the Universe. May 2025 bring you blessings of all kinds.
In Love,
Cara
Cara Carozza 