Cara Carozza

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Q’anil

There’s an old farming rhyme about planting seeds, “One for the mouse, one for the crow, one to root and one to grow.” Q’anil reminded me of this proverb over the past thirteen days. Not all seeds germinate and not all plants bear fruit. Ideally, we are able to recognize which ideas and opportunities will nourish our true potential and help us grow. Sometimes we need to get really uncomfortable in order to recognize that what we are cultivating is no longer serving us. That was certainly my experience this past trecena.

The building that I keep my professional office in was purchased last year. The new owners are lousy farmers. They’ve allowed us to wilt over the past few months. Our air conditioning stopped working two months ago and they still haven’t repaired it. Their response to our most recent service request was, “AC is not a right, it’s an option and it’s currently unavailable.” My lease states otherwise, but that’s not why I’ve been awake since three AM this morning. It’s the lack of humanity that these people have. It’s really triggered me. I’ve been literally and figuratively steaming for days.

As I thrashed about in my garden looking for viable crops, it suddenly occurred to me that I might need to plant my seeds somewhere else. I surveyed my options but found no fertile soil available. It was very disheartening. I had expected Q’anil to deliver the perfect new space. Far away from my heartless new landlords. Instead, I was made even more uncomfortable. Temperatures in my office have exceeded 84 degrees this week and it’s the last days of the filing season so I’ve had to be in my office whether I’ve wanted to or not.

With no relief in sight, I was forced to consider an entirely new business model. One my son has been encouraging me to explore since he came to work for me last year. This new model takes advantage of technology that I’m already paying for, stream lines my information gathering process and takes advantage of the share economy that I am such a fan of. Growing is hard work. Sometimes you have to get really dirty and really sweaty in order to produce something new that serves both you and your community. I’m actually feeling grateful for all my struggles now. If I hadn’t experienced them, my business might have become one of the seeds for the mouse.

Tomorrow, we begin a new gestation cycle. We welcome the collective force of Imox. The primordial waters of creation. Anything is possible. Amen to that.

To New Beginnings,

Cara xoxo

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Tz’ikin

Tz’ikin took me on a journey these past thirteen days. The Eagle (Red Tailed Hawk in my neck of the woods) gifted me with glimpses of the vision of Community that I have held for many moons. I was shown what I had seeded and tended with devotion. My sprouts were clearly evident. Deep satisfaction is finding a permanent home within my body and my spirit. I haven’t quite landed yet, but I have the runway in sight and it’s going to be a smooth landing.

I’ve been Beta testing an app that two dear friends and fellow students of Maya Cosmology have developed together. My Q’ij (@my.qij) is Ancient yet Futuristic in the words of its creators. It’s a magical tool for learning and reflection. It’s become my container for journaling each day and it’s given me an elevated perspective. I could scarcely believe all that had held my attention this trecena when I reviewed all the entries that I had recorded. Flying high in the sky, we have the complete picture. The entire vision of possibilities laid out before us.

Tz’ikin also showed me prosperity in all it’s varied forms. The freedom to shuttle my mother and step-father to his most recent surgery. The willingness of our crew to finish our cabin project despite numerous changes and delays. The opportunity to submit my manuscript to a number of small and independent publishers even though I don’t have an agent. The free card deck samples that my printer sent me before asking for any money. All of this and my first grand baby on the way. Life is full in a way I never expected it to be at this stage of my life. Tz’ikin showed me that there is always a new horizon. A new dream and expanded possibilities.

Tomorrow welcomes the fertile energies of Q’anil. Q’anil will ask us to tend the sprouts that most serve our spiritual growth over the next thirteen-day cycle. Careful and conscious tending is what will be asked of us. Q’anil will also offer us time to enjoy what we’ve already created as well. I’m looking forward to customizing my book proposal for each of the independent publishers I’ve identified and planning a baby blessing ceremony with my future daughter in law. My husband will be harvesting the cannabis and hemp plants in our garden in the coming days as well. Worthy and pleasurable endeavors to channel Q’anils’ ripening energy into.

May you enjoy getting your hands into the dirt of your life.

Lovingly,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Iq

Iq gave me more opportunities to listen than to express myself over the past thirteen days. As a daughter, as a mother and as a friend. Iq is not subtle. It is breath, wind, voice and the hurricane. For me, Iq arrived as the hurricane. I expected a pleasant breeze and ended up with howling winds. I’m feeling a bit breathless from it all. Still, I’m grateful to have heard with clarity what was spoken to me. Iq seeks to liberate our voice so that we can experience the freedom of expressing our authentic self. Sometimes that process is less than graceful and sometimes it triggers those we care about most.

I’ve gotten really good at speaking my truth since I started writing and it’s become one my most powerful tools for regulating my nervous system. What I hadn’t realized was that it has also made me a great sounding board for others. Through witnessing my own feelings, I have developed more compassion for the feelings of others. I have cultivated the ability to hear what used to illicit anxiety and panic. I’ve developed perspective. I understand that until certain feelings, ideas and memories are expressed that they will divide and alienate. If they are given space and allowed to exist, they often dissolve. Once dissolved, they are easily carried away by the wind.

I focused on my heart each time words were delivered to me that made me want to act or respond instead of listen. I breathed deep into my diaphragm and imagined that I was drawing blue light from the heart of the sky into my own heart. I then exhaled deeply through my root chakra sending the light deep into the earth. Pacha Mama sent me her own soothing green light all the way up into my heart and I found myself softening. I was able to have empathy and remember times when I had felt similarly.

Even within a storm we can find a still point. Within my still point I was able to see the way forward. My way forward was a cup of cacao and a micro fire ceremony on Wajxaqib’ Toj. The fire always listens and always grounds me. Tomorrow we are joined by Tz’ikin, the eagle or the hawk. We’ll want to stay grounded while we’re taking in the scenes below. Tz’ikin offers vision and is the intermediary between heaven and earth, but can also get distracted by all there is to see. May you soar above it all and find exactly what you are looking for over the next thirteen days.

In quiet reverence,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Toj

Toj offered me many opportunities to be of service over the past thirteen days. My service began with sharing some cacao with an old friend that I hadn’t seen in many years. She found me on social media. Told me she had been dreaming of me ever since her daughter had passed in March. When I arrived at her home she asked, “What is the ceremony?” I responded, “The ceremony is simple. I will prepare the cacao and then we will drink it together.” Cacao is a heart opener and an invitation to slow down. The cacao did indeed open our hearts and allowed my friend to express some of her grief. She told me she felt peaceful, held and grounded at the end of our visit.

My next opportunity to serve came when another friend and client asked me to attend a meeting with her and her financial planner. Both she and her husband have attracted a lot of new business since I prepared a micro fire ceremony for them last summer to open a new path of abundant and fulfilling work. Jun E’ came in hot. It opened a clear road of opportunity. My friend received an honorarium to create seven statues for Burning Man. The Freedom Dancers were installed on the playa over the weekend. They began as a meditation on transforming grief into compassion. They became so much more than seven statues – they are a collective expression of love, resilience and human connection, according to my friend and I absolutely agree with her.

I also received a lot from the fire myself during the Toj trecena. My oracle deck, “Messages From Your Dreams”, is almost ready for printing. Both my writing coach and her sister, the decks illustrator, offered their assistance to help me find a local printer and format the files so that they are ready for said printer. I’m feeling really joyful and very held by these two women. I’ve been experiencing some imposter syndrome lately. I learned during a Mayan Cross reading last week that this is one of the shadow aspects of my birth nawal, Ajpu. As I revisited the deck that I co-created several seasons ago, I was filled with pride and also excitement. I can’t wait to gift this deck to all the women in my life who have walked alongside me on this journey. The friends, family, clients and collaborators who are my community. Toj is the fire. Toj is how we commune with the divine. I hope you felt it too and that it warmed your soul.

Tomorrow brings the wind, the breath and the voice into focus. Just the movement we need after sitting intently in front of the fire. May Iq deliver whatever freshness you are seeking in the coming days.

In community,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Ajmaq

Aq’ab’al showed me that I was feeling hesitant about sharing my new book with others. Ajmaq arrived to show me why. Ajmaq’s literal translation is one who works with error. Recognizing and working with error can polish our soul and allow us to become more authentic versions of ourselves. But not if we can’t see them. Sometimes we create blind spots that we’re not even aware of.

Like the car that suddenly appears in the lane that you’re merging into or the sting of the bee, Ajmaq is far from subtle. It asks us to look at what is underneath our error and understand how it’s shaped us. I thought that the record of my error no longer existed. Until I purchased a new phone. That’s how the text thread between my twin sister and I suddenly reappeared two years after I thought that I had deleted it. I felt completely blind-sided. A part of me still believed that I could have kept her here if I’d just done more. If I’d just said the right thing. The text thread would support this belief. Or so I thought until I read it.

Ajmaq is also associated with forgiveness and ancestral healing. My twin didn’t stop with the restoration of our last conversation onto my new phone. She visited two of our mutual friends in the dream space to deliver her message to me. In each dream she came as a young and playful version of herself. One friend described her expression as mischievous. Both said she teasingly stuck out her tongue. Definitely my sister.

Her message? There’s nothing more I could have done and she wants me to have more fun. Taste more of the honey. Lighten up. I’m doing my best to listen. I spent this past weekend in San Diego with my daughter. We had a lot of fun and I know my sister enjoyed every minute of it. Tomorrow opens the trecena of Toj. Thirteen opportunities to make offerings and express gratitude. May you offer the fire your full presence. It would be a wise investment of your time. Toj is the Nawal of reciprocity.

Appreciatively,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Aq’ab’al

Today is the final day of the Aq’ab’al trecena and also my Dad’s Nima Q’ij or great day. Today we are gifted with the sight and the vision of the ancestors if we’ve been listening well enough. My Dad speaks to me most often through the voice of his Nawal, Tz’ik’in as he lives in the spirit world now. Whenever I’m out hiking and thinking or speaking about him, a hawk will invariably appear overhead and cry out. My Dad, like me, loved to talk and it seems that hasn’t changed. He makes it easy for me to hear his messages, but I’ve been struggling to hear my own voice lately. Decisions that I expected to come easily have not. It’s not time yet. The path forward is still forming.

Aq’ab’al invites us to travel into the cave of our own inner landscape and discover our true light. Not the light offered by our television, our computer or our phone, but something more eternal. For the past year I’ve been writing through my grief and my joy in a sacred partnership. My manuscript is finished, but it’s not the end of my journey. Now I must decide how and with whom I will share it. As I entered this trecena, meeting my book proposal deadline was all that I had on my mind. Making the video portion was really uncomfortable. However, it reflected clearly to me how I feel about sharing my book right now. I was articulate and concise, but quiet and tentative. Not quite ready to shout my message to the world like my Dad when he’s embodying the hawk.

What did get me talking and connected to my inner light this trecena was the ceremony that I made on B’elejeb B’atz. A day to celebrate and nurture the creations of women. I had many petitions to make. For gestating babies, a home for a young family, a business launch and an art installation. In my excitement to pray for all the women in my life who are creating, I forgot about my own book until the very end. Aq’ab’al showed me what really ignites my light and what I most want to share right now and that’s ceremony. The pile of Carmel stone that my husband has been diligently stacking to make way for a new water line suddenly revealed their purpose. The community fire pit that I’ve been dreaming about may be ready in time for the winter Solstice. I’ve always wanted to make a proper bon fire to welcome the returning light and this year we’re also welcoming our first grandchild. A vision worth tending to.

Tomorrow initiates thirteen days of reconciliation. If we’ve discovered shadows in our cave, Ajmaq is just the medicine we need to find forgiveness for ourselves and others. May you taste more of the sweet honey than the sting offered by this Nawal and its animal totem the bee.

In gratitude and contemplation,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Tz’i

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Today I can honestly say that my faith has been restored. The word Tz’i means dog and this Nawal offers us an opportunity to look deep within ourselves to discover our own true nature. Tz’i enables us to sense that which is ordinarily hidden from our view. The dogs extraordinary senses fuel its persistence to discover bones of truth that have been buried for a long time. Perhaps for generations.

Emboldened by my fortified perception and already possessing the innate wisdom of a mother, I patiently unraveled and discovered the roots of the knots that N’oj had revealed. Decades old, yet still festering. I tended the wounds as a mother would. With attentiveness and compassion, but not denial. Tz’i reminded me that my job as a parent is a lifetime position. It requires a lot of faith and a lot of loyalty. Qualities that are often ascribed to our canine companions.

Being a parent is an instinctual job. We learn by doing. Our children do not come with an instruction manual and each one is different. My husband and I have four children between us. We each arrived with two and we decided that was plenty. Even though our hearts longed to know a child that was just ours, we both believed that it wouldn’t be fair to the four that we already had. They needed and deserved for us to give them our full presence. To finish the job that we began before we fell in love.

We did the best that we knew how to do and still we’ve made mistakes. Mistakes that have polished our souls and led us to have a renewed compassion for our own adult parents. Tz’i reminded me that I’m still my mothers precious baby girl even if I’m technically a senior citizen and on the path to grandmotherhood. When my cabin project hit a literal roadblock, it was my parents who came to the rescue with a solution. Reminding me that my own mother is still parenting me. We’re all just walking each other home to spirit and I’m so grateful to be exactly where I am.

Tomorrow, we welcome a new dawn and a new concept. Our faith restored, our senses heightened, we are ready to step into the new ideas and experiences that are awaiting us in this next trip around the calendar wheel with Aq’ab’al.

Gratefully,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on N’oj

The Solstice revealed some very old knots within my family. Many ugly things were said. It left me shell shocked and seeking support from both the heart of the sky and the heart of the earth. The wounds will take time to heal, but they will no longer be festering. With time and space reconciliation will arrive. I’m focusing on keeping my own head in my heart as I serve as mediator. I’m also beginning to understand that the job of parenting never ends. Even when your own children become parents themselves. In fact, it is a whole new opportunity to untangle the knots of the past and our ancestral lineage. These are the gifts that the Trecena of K’at offered me while I was in the mountains. Opportunity and compassion.

Since I moved onto my parents property three years ago, I have been praying for healing between myself and them and it’s happened. Now there is space for this same healing to happen between myself and my own children. It’s not comfortable and it’s most certainly exhausting, but it’s the most sacred work that we can do while we are here in earth school. The Maya believe that the fire is the ear of spirit and that’s why fire ceremonies are such an important part of their spiritual practices. I made my Wajxakib B’atz fire ceremony at 4500 feet, opposite Mt Lassen this cycle. My fire offered me an image of a portal and an invitation to enter it. I accepted and spoke the words that needed to be spoken.

N’oj arrived quietly after we had descended the mountain and returned home. Still bruised and vulnerable, I found myself unable to write as the first full trecena of the new calendar cycle opened. My spirit asked for stillness and reflection first. I often think about N’oj as the mind of the calendar. However, N’oj is not only the mind. It is also the earth thinking through us. In order to hear the wisdom of the earth we need to listen. I listen best when I am quiet and that’s why I’ve decided to offer a reflection at the end of each trecena this calendar cycle instead of at the beginning.

Tomorrow our loyal companion T’zi arrives to chaperone us into our destiny. T’zi brings the frequency of justice and natural law along with the playful and instinctual nature of the dog. I look forward to sharing my journey with T’zi after I’ve taken it.

In Stillness,

Cara xoxo

Living Maya Time – Symbols of K’at

Today is my daughter Caroline’s birthday. Twenty eight solar years ago I became a mother. The seed that was implanted within me grew, ripened and finally emerged as my precious baby girl. Today we also welcome a new trecena. K’at can be seen as the gathering or the net. K’at is also everything that we carry. Our blessings and our burdens. K’at reminds us that everything we create or receive must be carried if we do not use it or share it with others. This weekend I had the opportunity to share some of the wisdom that I’ve gathered on this path of walking with the sacred calendar. I attended a women’s circle where we were invited to create a personal Medicine Wheel altar expressing our relationship to the energies of East and South through natural objects, symbols and creative expression.

My decision to join the circle had been spontaneous. It felt like my last opportunity to engage with the playful energies of the B’atz trecena. A chance to weave with other women and to be nourished by community. I didn’t know that I would be asked to set the loom and place the first threads. Our leader presented me as the, “Altar Queen”, a student who had surpassed her teacher. Cari introduced me to the practice of offerings as a nervous system regulation technique during my dark night of the soul. She’s walked the Medicine Wheel of her ancestors, the Esselen and she understands the power of ritual, presence and ceremony. She also understands the importance of finding ones own way and ones own medicine and that is why she asked me to share my experiences with my altars and the Cholq’ij. To offer a different indigenous perspective.

The ease with which I was able to speak and pray before strangers surprised me. It bolstered my courage. The FINAL draft of my second memoir had been sitting patiently awaiting my second read for over two weeks. Yesterday I was finally ready to read it. I was ready to see myself the way that the women in the circle had seen me. I have gathered much wisdom on my path and I need to share it. That’s what I will be accessing most from the energies that K’at offers over the next thirteen days, my connections to others and the opportunity to share my abundant heart with everyone in my community.

Next Monday is the ceremonial reset of the calendar, Wajxakib B’atz. A new creation cycle of 260 days will begin and new Aj’ij will be initiated. Fires will burn all day as people gather to celebrate, pray and make offerings. I’ll be up in the mountains celebrating the Solstice with my family. The Solstice is the day before Wajxakib B’atz this year and I’ll be making my own special ceremony on that day too. I have so much to be grateful for. May you also recognize all the grace and abundance that already lives in your life. Happy Birthday Sweet Caroline.

In Love & Celebration,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Symbols of B’atz

Yesterday we entered a new creation cycle. I was up early and filled with excitement. B’atz is the weaver of time and our reality. An ideal day to make a small ceremony and offering at my cabin site, or so I thought. As my husband, step-father and I made the final ascent up the Santa Lucia range, we encountered an obstacle. A cattle guard that’s not nearly wide enough for the cabin that I’ve already entered into contract to purchase. Excitement deflated into fear and then shame. The signs had been so clear and I had felt so supported. Why had we not noticed the cattle guard before? What is the guidance now? I’m still not sure. I’m still sitting with it. My offering has been made and now I must wait for my answer.

Jun B’atz begins the twenty day tour through all the Nawals as we prepare for Wajxaqib’ B’atz. On this day new calendar day keepers or Aj’ij are initiated and large fire ceremonies are held to celebrate the new calendar cycle. Yesterday was also my step-mother’s Nima Q’ij, or great day. Linda is a master weaver. Her life is full of connection and beauty and she’s shared it all with me. I’ve inherited a new sister and an entire new extended family. They were just the medicine I needed to harness the purifying frequencies of the Tijax trecena while I was visiting them in New York. I did get to see the Niagra Falls and lots of Lilacs. Lucky me.

**Linda and her new beau, Bob at Chichen Itza**

My new sister Maat showed me over and over again what needed excising from my field. I’ve never met someone who moves through their life with such grace and optimism. She’s a mother of six and she and her husband own and operate a number of businesses together. Rather than have a rigid plan, she allows life to direct where her energy should go at any given moment. She doesn’t always arrive at the time that she intends to, but she never worries about it. And she ALWAYS speaks her mind. How refreshing! Being with her and her family for a week was truly liberating and very inspiring.

As I sit with my disappointment that I cannot build the cabin that I wanted to, I will be focusing on creating something new. I will trust the wisdom of time and the threads of creation. I will remember all of my blessings and all those that support me on my path. And I will pray and I will listen.

To New Beginnings,

Cara