Cara Carozza

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Toj

Toj offered me many opportunities to be of service over the past thirteen days. My service began with sharing some cacao with an old friend that I hadn’t seen in many years. She found me on social media. Told me she had been dreaming of me ever since her daughter had passed in March. When I arrived at her home she asked, “What is the ceremony?” I responded, “The ceremony is simple. I will prepare the cacao and then we will drink it together.” Cacao is a heart opener and an invitation to slow down. The cacao did indeed open our hearts and allowed my friend to express some of her grief. She told me she felt peaceful, held and grounded at the end of our visit.

My next opportunity to serve came when another friend and client asked me to attend a meeting with her and her financial planner. Both she and her husband have attracted a lot of new business since I prepared a micro fire ceremony for them last summer to open a new path of abundant and fulfilling work. Jun E’ came in hot. It opened a clear road of opportunity. My friend received an honorarium to create seven statues for Burning Man. The Freedom Dancers were installed on the playa over the weekend. They began as a meditation on transforming grief into compassion. They became so much more than seven statues – they are a collective expression of love, resilience and human connection, according to my friend and I absolutely agree with her.

I also received a lot from the fire myself during the Toj trecena. My oracle deck, “Messages From Your Dreams”, is almost ready for printing. Both my writing coach and her sister, the decks illustrator, offered their assistance to help me find a local printer and format the files so that they are ready for said printer. I’m feeling really joyful and very held by these two women. I’ve been experiencing some imposter syndrome lately. I learned during a Mayan Cross reading last week that this is one of the shadow aspects of my birth nawal, Ajpu. As I revisited the deck that I co-created several seasons ago, I was filled with pride and also excitement. I can’t wait to gift this deck to all the women in my life who have walked alongside me on this journey. The friends, family, clients and collaborators who are my community. Toj is the fire. Toj is how we commune with the divine. I hope you felt it too and that it warmed your soul.

Tomorrow brings the wind, the breath and the voice into focus. Just the movement we need after sitting intently in front of the fire. May Iq deliver whatever freshness you are seeking in the coming days.

In community,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Ajmaq

Aq’ab’al showed me that I was feeling hesitant about sharing my new book with others. Ajmaq arrived to show me why. Ajmaq’s literal translation is one who works with error. Recognizing and working with error can polish our soul and allow us to become more authentic versions of ourselves. But not if we can’t see them. Sometimes we create blind spots that we’re not even aware of.

Like the car that suddenly appears in the lane that you’re merging into or the sting of the bee, Ajmaq is far from subtle. It asks us to look at what is underneath our error and understand how it’s shaped us. I thought that the record of my error no longer existed. Until I purchased a new phone. That’s how the text thread between my twin sister and I suddenly reappeared two years after I thought that I had deleted it. I felt completely blind-sided. A part of me still believed that I could have kept her here if I’d just done more. If I’d just said the right thing. The text thread would support this belief. Or so I thought until I read it.

Ajmaq is also associated with forgiveness and ancestral healing. My twin didn’t stop with the restoration of our last conversation onto my new phone. She visited two of our mutual friends in the dream space to deliver her message to me. In each dream she came as a young and playful version of herself. One friend described her expression as mischievous. Both said she teasingly stuck out her tongue. Definitely my sister.

Her message? There’s nothing more I could have done and she wants me to have more fun. Taste more of the honey. Lighten up. I’m doing my best to listen. I spent this past weekend in San Diego with my daughter. We had a lot of fun and I know my sister enjoyed every minute of it. Tomorrow opens the trecena of Toj. Thirteen opportunities to make offerings and express gratitude. May you offer the fire your full presence. It would be a wise investment of your time. Toj is the Nawal of reciprocity.

Appreciatively,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Aq’ab’al

Today is the final day of the Aq’ab’al trecena and also my Dad’s Nima Q’ij or great day. Today we are gifted with the sight and the vision of the ancestors if we’ve been listening well enough. My Dad speaks to me most often through the voice of his Nawal, Tz’ik’in as he lives in the spirit world now. Whenever I’m out hiking and thinking or speaking about him, a hawk will invariably appear overhead and cry out. My Dad, like me, loved to talk and it seems that hasn’t changed. He makes it easy for me to hear his messages, but I’ve been struggling to hear my own voice lately. Decisions that I expected to come easily have not. It’s not time yet. The path forward is still forming.

Aq’ab’al invites us to travel into the cave of our own inner landscape and discover our true light. Not the light offered by our television, our computer or our phone, but something more eternal. For the past year I’ve been writing through my grief and my joy in a sacred partnership. My manuscript is finished, but it’s not the end of my journey. Now I must decide how and with whom I will share it. As I entered this trecena, meeting my book proposal deadline was all that I had on my mind. Making the video portion was really uncomfortable. However, it reflected clearly to me how I feel about sharing my book right now. I was articulate and concise, but quiet and tentative. Not quite ready to shout my message to the world like my Dad when he’s embodying the hawk.

What did get me talking and connected to my inner light this trecena was the ceremony that I made on B’elejeb B’atz. A day to celebrate and nurture the creations of women. I had many petitions to make. For gestating babies, a home for a young family, a business launch and an art installation. In my excitement to pray for all the women in my life who are creating, I forgot about my own book until the very end. Aq’ab’al showed me what really ignites my light and what I most want to share right now and that’s ceremony. The pile of Carmel stone that my husband has been diligently stacking to make way for a new water line suddenly revealed their purpose. The community fire pit that I’ve been dreaming about may be ready in time for the winter Solstice. I’ve always wanted to make a proper bon fire to welcome the returning light and this year we’re also welcoming our first grandchild. A vision worth tending to.

Tomorrow initiates thirteen days of reconciliation. If we’ve discovered shadows in our cave, Ajmaq is just the medicine we need to find forgiveness for ourselves and others. May you taste more of the sweet honey than the sting offered by this Nawal and its animal totem the bee.

In gratitude and contemplation,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on Tz’i

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Today I can honestly say that my faith has been restored. The word Tz’i means dog and this Nawal offers us an opportunity to look deep within ourselves to discover our own true nature. Tz’i enables us to sense that which is ordinarily hidden from our view. The dogs extraordinary senses fuel its persistence to discover bones of truth that have been buried for a long time. Perhaps for generations.

Emboldened by my fortified perception and already possessing the innate wisdom of a mother, I patiently unraveled and discovered the roots of the knots that N’oj had revealed. Decades old, yet still festering. I tended the wounds as a mother would. With attentiveness and compassion, but not denial. Tz’i reminded me that my job as a parent is a lifetime position. It requires a lot of faith and a lot of loyalty. Qualities that are often ascribed to our canine companions.

Being a parent is an instinctual job. We learn by doing. Our children do not come with an instruction manual and each one is different. My husband and I have four children between us. We each arrived with two and we decided that was plenty. Even though our hearts longed to know a child that was just ours, we both believed that it wouldn’t be fair to the four that we already had. They needed and deserved for us to give them our full presence. To finish the job that we began before we fell in love.

We did the best that we knew how to do and still we’ve made mistakes. Mistakes that have polished our souls and led us to have a renewed compassion for our own adult parents. Tz’i reminded me that I’m still my mothers precious baby girl even if I’m technically a senior citizen and on the path to grandmotherhood. When my cabin project hit a literal roadblock, it was my parents who came to the rescue with a solution. Reminding me that my own mother is still parenting me. We’re all just walking each other home to spirit and I’m so grateful to be exactly where I am.

Tomorrow, we welcome a new dawn and a new concept. Our faith restored, our senses heightened, we are ready to step into the new ideas and experiences that are awaiting us in this next trip around the calendar wheel with Aq’ab’al.

Gratefully,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Reflections on N’oj

The Solstice revealed some very old knots within my family. Many ugly things were said. It left me shell shocked and seeking support from both the heart of the sky and the heart of the earth. The wounds will take time to heal, but they will no longer be festering. With time and space reconciliation will arrive. I’m focusing on keeping my own head in my heart as I serve as mediator. I’m also beginning to understand that the job of parenting never ends. Even when your own children become parents themselves. In fact, it is a whole new opportunity to untangle the knots of the past and our ancestral lineage. These are the gifts that the Trecena of K’at offered me while I was in the mountains. Opportunity and compassion.

Since I moved onto my parents property three years ago, I have been praying for healing between myself and them and it’s happened. Now there is space for this same healing to happen between myself and my own children. It’s not comfortable and it’s most certainly exhausting, but it’s the most sacred work that we can do while we are here in earth school. The Maya believe that the fire is the ear of spirit and that’s why fire ceremonies are such an important part of their spiritual practices. I made my Wajxakib B’atz fire ceremony at 4500 feet, opposite Mt Lassen this cycle. My fire offered me an image of a portal and an invitation to enter it. I accepted and spoke the words that needed to be spoken.

N’oj arrived quietly after we had descended the mountain and returned home. Still bruised and vulnerable, I found myself unable to write as the first full trecena of the new calendar cycle opened. My spirit asked for stillness and reflection first. I often think about N’oj as the mind of the calendar. However, N’oj is not only the mind. It is also the earth thinking through us. In order to hear the wisdom of the earth we need to listen. I listen best when I am quiet and that’s why I’ve decided to offer a reflection at the end of each trecena this calendar cycle instead of at the beginning.

Tomorrow our loyal companion T’zi arrives to chaperone us into our destiny. T’zi brings the frequency of justice and natural law along with the playful and instinctual nature of the dog. I look forward to sharing my journey with T’zi after I’ve taken it.

In Stillness,

Cara xoxo

Living Maya Time – Symbols of K’at

Today is my daughter Caroline’s birthday. Twenty eight solar years ago I became a mother. The seed that was implanted within me grew, ripened and finally emerged as my precious baby girl. Today we also welcome a new trecena. K’at can be seen as the gathering or the net. K’at is also everything that we carry. Our blessings and our burdens. K’at reminds us that everything we create or receive must be carried if we do not use it or share it with others. This weekend I had the opportunity to share some of the wisdom that I’ve gathered on this path of walking with the sacred calendar. I attended a women’s circle where we were invited to create a personal Medicine Wheel altar expressing our relationship to the energies of East and South through natural objects, symbols and creative expression.

My decision to join the circle had been spontaneous. It felt like my last opportunity to engage with the playful energies of the B’atz trecena. A chance to weave with other women and to be nourished by community. I didn’t know that I would be asked to set the loom and place the first threads. Our leader presented me as the, “Altar Queen”, a student who had surpassed her teacher. Cari introduced me to the practice of offerings as a nervous system regulation technique during my dark night of the soul. She’s walked the Medicine Wheel of her ancestors, the Esselen and she understands the power of ritual, presence and ceremony. She also understands the importance of finding ones own way and ones own medicine and that is why she asked me to share my experiences with my altars and the Cholq’ij. To offer a different indigenous perspective.

The ease with which I was able to speak and pray before strangers surprised me. It bolstered my courage. The FINAL draft of my second memoir had been sitting patiently awaiting my second read for over two weeks. Yesterday I was finally ready to read it. I was ready to see myself the way that the women in the circle had seen me. I have gathered much wisdom on my path and I need to share it. That’s what I will be accessing most from the energies that K’at offers over the next thirteen days, my connections to others and the opportunity to share my abundant heart with everyone in my community.

Next Monday is the ceremonial reset of the calendar, Wajxakib B’atz. A new creation cycle of 260 days will begin and new Aj’ij will be initiated. Fires will burn all day as people gather to celebrate, pray and make offerings. I’ll be up in the mountains celebrating the Solstice with my family. The Solstice is the day before Wajxakib B’atz this year and I’ll be making my own special ceremony on that day too. I have so much to be grateful for. May you also recognize all the grace and abundance that already lives in your life. Happy Birthday Sweet Caroline.

In Love & Celebration,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Symbols of B’atz

Yesterday we entered a new creation cycle. I was up early and filled with excitement. B’atz is the weaver of time and our reality. An ideal day to make a small ceremony and offering at my cabin site, or so I thought. As my husband, step-father and I made the final ascent up the Santa Lucia range, we encountered an obstacle. A cattle guard that’s not nearly wide enough for the cabin that I’ve already entered into contract to purchase. Excitement deflated into fear and then shame. The signs had been so clear and I had felt so supported. Why had we not noticed the cattle guard before? What is the guidance now? I’m still not sure. I’m still sitting with it. My offering has been made and now I must wait for my answer.

Jun B’atz begins the twenty day tour through all the Nawals as we prepare for Wajxaqib’ B’atz. On this day new calendar day keepers or Aj’ij are initiated and large fire ceremonies are held to celebrate the new calendar cycle. Yesterday was also my step-mother’s Nima Q’ij, or great day. Linda is a master weaver. Her life is full of connection and beauty and she’s shared it all with me. I’ve inherited a new sister and an entire new extended family. They were just the medicine I needed to harness the purifying frequencies of the Tijax trecena while I was visiting them in New York. I did get to see the Niagra Falls and lots of Lilacs. Lucky me.

**Linda and her new beau, Bob at Chichen Itza**

My new sister Maat showed me over and over again what needed excising from my field. I’ve never met someone who moves through their life with such grace and optimism. She’s a mother of six and she and her husband own and operate a number of businesses together. Rather than have a rigid plan, she allows life to direct where her energy should go at any given moment. She doesn’t always arrive at the time that she intends to, but she never worries about it. And she ALWAYS speaks her mind. How refreshing! Being with her and her family for a week was truly liberating and very inspiring.

As I sit with my disappointment that I cannot build the cabin that I wanted to, I will be focusing on creating something new. I will trust the wisdom of time and the threads of creation. I will remember all of my blessings and all those that support me on my path. And I will pray and I will listen.

To New Beginnings,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Symbols of Tijax

Today we are invited to look in the mirror and reflect on what is no longer serving us. Tijax asks us to edit, purify and set the boundaries that need to be set so that deeper healing can occur. The past thirteen days have been very introspective for me. That’s the power of the serpent. If we were able to sit still and listen, Kan delivered powerful wisdom from deep within ourselves and our lineage. Kan left me with the gift of empathy for my mother. Empathy for her overwhelm with all the busyness that living on a multi-generational homestead can bring. My son and daughter-in-law to be welcomed a set of Siamese cats to their growing family. Sisters. My twin sister and I had a set of Siamese cats when we were growing up. I would have expected to have been thrilled by these two little lovelies. Instead I panicked. What about their dog, Beso? How would he react to his new roommates? Who would take care of them when we all go on vacation? So many questions.

I’ve been praying for healing and intimacy for my mom and I ever since my husband and I moved onto her and my stepfather’s property three years ago. The original plan included only us, but has expanded to include our youngest son, his beloved, their dog and now their two cats. My mom has accepted it graciously, but not without discomfort. Kan showed me how this discomfort feels in her body when I became overwhelmed by my son and future daughter-in-law’s decision to adopt two new pets.

My favorite purifying plant, Rosemary

Today Tijax arrives in perfect time and with just the precision I need to excise any lingering feelings of anxiety that I may hold. I now understand that for my mother, most anything can feel overwhelming. She deserves grace and my compassion. This is the real work that we are doing together. We’re showing up just as we are and we are still choosing to live together in community. I’ve come to understand that a community thrives when its members are diverse and carry different frequencies. Different medicine.

I’ve awoken on the other side of the country this morning. I’m in New York visiting my new sister, her family and my stepmom. I’m feeling all their frequencies and I can’t wait to see how they polish me and my perspective. I’m hoping to see a lot of lilacs and even Niagara Falls. It’s going to be purifying and it’s going to be healing. May you find just what you need to deepen your own healing over the next thirteen days.

Happy Spring,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Symbols of Kan

Time felt like it sped up over the past thirteen days. I think the E’ trecena left me with some jet lag after Kawoq’s powerful news. I’m going to be a grandmother. This news both excites and overwhelms me. Much like the feeling I experience while traveling in a foreign country. The landscape is unfamiliar and I’m still learning the culture. I’ve already made a few faux pas, but I’m still delighted to be here. Today, Kan arrives just in time to help me integrate all of my contrasting feelings.

Kan is power and innate wisdom. It’s the coyopa or body lightening that animates human beings. It’s the secret dancer that lives inside us. It holds the codes of our DNA. Kan is most often associated with the serpent and personal transformation. Becoming a grandmother will definitely be transforming. Just like my grand baby, I will also need an entire calendar cycle to be reborn. In the meantime, I still have some identities to shed. A few have become quite uncomfortable, just like most of the clothes that I own right now.

**My new calendar wheel that arrived from Guatemala during the E’ Trecena**.

My body has changed a lot over the past few years. Grief and menopause will do that. I haven’t shopped for new clothes for myself since my sister passed. Instead, I’ve cobbled together a few outfits from the back of my closet and the clothes that she left behind. It’s been comforting, but it’s also kept me stuck in the past in many ways. Monday marked the two-year anniversary since she left. I’ve held onto my security blankets long enough. I’m ready for a new look that honors the body I have now. My grandmother body.

E’ walked me back to a stylist that I met five years ago. Amy arrived on my path just in time to help me harness Kan’s transformative energy and update my wardrobe. I sent her my measurements after we met virtually for an hour. A couple of days later I received an e-mail with links to over a dozen different pieces. I liked each and every one of them. Even the prices were good. What I didn’t like were the sizes. I’d never bought clothes in the sizes that she recommended before.

Today the first items arrived. Just in time for my trip to San Diego to visit my daughter for Mother’s Day weekend. Each one fits me perfectly and makes me feel beautiful. This is the feeling that I intend to cultivate over the next thirteen days. May your own transformation be equally fun and satisfying. Happy Mother’s Day!

Joyfully,

Cara

Living Maya Time – Symbols of E’

The midwife asked a lot of me over the past thirteen days. I had forgotten how intense labor can be. Everything we create requires energy and presence to bring it into form. A lot of seeds that I’d sown many moons ago popped during the Kawoq trecena. It felt like I had been told that I was expecting triplets after I’d just adjusted to the news that I was pregnant. It’s been dysregulating, to say the least. It’s time to direct my presence back to myself and to my own journey. I may have new creations to nurture, but I must anchor myself before I can serve anyone or anything else. I’ve acquired a lot of tools and now it’s time to use them.

Today invites us on a new journey. E’ is the nawal of the sacred path or road. It’s restless and curious. It craves novelty. E’ is just the breath of fresh air that I need after pushing through to the end of my deadline. It felt just like the transitional phase of labor. If you’ve given birth, you know what I mean. There’s no turning back. Only pushing through. This is the strength that Kawoq imbibes us with before we take our next journey on the wheel of life.

**The Path to our New Cabin Site. My son paving the way for the next generation.**

My next expedition is both professional and personal. I’m traveling to New York to stay with my new sister Maat. She arrived in my life just when I needed her most. Right after I’d lost my twin. This week Kawoq gifted us with a new law, just in time for her new venture. My sister is opening a cannabis dispensary and she’s asked me to prepare the tax returns. This week medical cannabis was descheduled by the Federal government. It’s now deductible as a medical expense for income tax purposes. A change I didn’t expect during my lifetime and if you’ve been following me for a while, a change very near and dear to my heart.

That’s all I have for now. Taking my own medicine and staying present with myself and those that I love. May your own horizons broaden and may your journey always be supported. There is much to be grateful for.

Cara xoxo