Tag: #grief

Living Maya Time – The Trecena of B’atz’

I’ve come to see the energy of B’atz’ as the energy that connects me to my twin sister. Through the womb we shared and through the threads of time that still continue to connect us. Last night I dreamt of Michaela. I couldn’t tell you what we were doing, but we were together and we were enjoying ourselves. We were surrounded by light. When I awoke her presence was still with me. For an instant, I forgot that she was gone. I savor these moments. It’s where we meet now.

Michaela and I. Forever entwined.

The energy of Tijax and the lunar eclispse that it hosted left me restless. Charged and precise, embodying it required a lot of presence from me. Presence and practice. The full moon begged for a fast and I agreed. Tijax is the ultimate purifier, after all. Fasting when my body is ready for it always feels good. Not so much when it isn’t. I am learning to listen to my body. Patiently like a mother, or a lover. I’ve come to accept and cherish her just as she is. It’s a lot more fun that way. Tijax supported my intentions to release self-judgement.

B’atz’ is creativity. It weaves time and all that exists in our physical reality. Today we plant the seeds of a new creation. In twenty days time, we arrive at Wajxaquib B’atz’, the beginning of another 260 day cycle. Ideal energetic weather for initiating any creative project. Under the influence of the Nawal of marriage and partnerships, collaborations are also favored for the next thirteen days.

This weeks assignment for my new creative project is to, “Sketch fragments for the TWIN LOSS chapters.” I’m think I’m ready. Lots of threads to explore and excavate. I’m going to feel a lot, but it’s time to weave something new. Something that feels good and feels like me.

Short and sweet. It’s tax season again. Only one more trecena left. May the opportunity to discover what you want to create next present itself over the next thirteen days.

Much Love,

Cara

Living Maya Time – The Trecena of Ajmaq

In a divine wink from the Universe, I am a little late in getting this blog published. I am feeling my humanness. I had a particularly frustrating day yesterday. I had no capacity to write. This Trecena celebrates and offers us the opportunity to reflect upon what it means to be human. It invites us to find forgiveness for ourselves and for others when we embody those less than desirable qualities that all humans possess. The Trecena of Aq’ab’al brought the new concept of JOY in for me. I discovered my inner girl while sliding down waterfalls, zip lining, dancing and just FROLICKING. Returning home to confront my business was sobering, but not unmanageable. Not until yesterday. Yesterday found me impatient, exhausted and frustrated. What happened to my joyful girl? SHE WAS HAVING A TEMPER TANTRUM!

Today as I contemplated the theme of the next thirteen days, I had to giggle. To be human is not to be perfect or to feel good all of the time. The Mayan word Maq represents the veil that obscures our perception of Ajaw (God). This veil is what makes us human. According to the Mayan creation story described in the Popul Vuh, when the Gods fashioned the first humans, they created them without the ability to see the consequences of their actions. In doing so, humans must make mistakes to learn and expand their consciousness. Through reconciliation and forgiveness, we can achieve enlightenment. When we recognize that each of us is on our own journey, we can have compassion for the actions of others. We learn to respect the process of life as a human being on planet earth.

Since I lost my twin sister, I have struggled to forgive myself for not reaching out more and checking in on her during her last days. I knew she was struggling with her mental health. I had struggled with my own mental health the previous year. I had learned that I had to find the answers within to find my joy again. I expected her to do the same. Her suicide was a complete shock to me. She was taking steps to make changes and then SHE WAS JUST GONE. In the space of three months, she completely lost her center and felt unable to go on. I will always wonder if there was any action or words from me that would have kept her here with us. But, on this timeline she is gone and it serves no one for me to withhold forgiveness from myself. To be honest, her despair overwhelmed me. I was protecting my one inner peace which was quite fragile and I was serving the clients in my business. My tank was empty.

I will be taking as much time as I can for introspection in the coming days. Our birthday is later this month and it will be my first year celebrating without her. I want to arrive at the day in a place of wholeness that honors myself as a human, as a twin and now as a woman who is still a twin, but is now walking alone.

May you find forgiveness and compassion for yourself and others this Trecena.

Cara