#selflove – Cara Carozza

I’ve come to see the energy of B’atz’ as the energy that connects me to my twin sister. Through the womb we shared and through the threads of time that still continue to connect us. Last night I dreamt of Michaela. I couldn’t tell you what we were doing, but we were together and we were enjoying ourselves. We were surrounded by light. When I awoke her presence was still with me. For an instant, I forgot that she was gone. I savor these moments. It’s where we meet now.

The energy of Tijax and the lunar eclispse that it hosted left me restless. Charged and precise, embodying it required a lot of presence from me. Presence and practice. The full moon begged for a fast and I agreed. Tijax is the ultimate purifier, after all. Fasting when my body is ready for it always feels good. Not so much when it isn’t. I am learning to listen to my body. Patiently like a mother, or a lover. I’ve come to accept and cherish her just as she is. It’s a lot more fun that way. Tijax supported my intentions to release self-judgement.

B’atz’ is creativity. It weaves time and all that exists in our physical reality. Today we plant the seeds of a new creation. In twenty days time, we arrive at Wajxaquib B’atz’, the beginning of another 260 day cycle. Ideal energetic weather for initiating any creative project. Under the influence of the Nawal of marriage and partnerships, collaborations are also favored for the next thirteen days.

This weeks assignment for my new creative project is to, “Sketch fragments for the TWIN LOSS chapters.” I’m think I’m ready. Lots of threads to explore and excavate. I’m going to feel a lot, but it’s time to weave something new. Something that feels good and feels like me.

Short and sweet. It’s tax season again. Only one more trecena left. May the opportunity to discover what you want to create next present itself over the next thirteen days.

Much Love,

Cara

Hello Friends,

It’s been a minute. How are you doing? Truthfully, I have not been doing so well this past month. I am struggling to stay present and grounded. It’s felt like I am in the spin cycle of my washing machine.

My Dad’s health has taken a turn for the worse. His cancer is back and he is on life support. We have said goodbye four times now. I am clinging to a life raft of hope, but my grief threatens to breach the surface each time there is a new update. I now understand how cruel this disease can be, how the suffering expands and diffuses from the victim into the family.

My grief manifested in my lower back. I woke up and I could barely move without excruciating pain. Spirit was sitting on me and was not going to let me up until I felt some of the feelings I had been repressing. The pain in my back invited me to cry, so I let it flow. I sobbed and I shook. I wailed and I screamed. I gave my grief, anger and frustration full license to express.

I felt a release, but my back was still out and I began to wonder how I was going to get up to use the bathroom. Life was still there, insisting that I participate even though I couldn’t move. Sometimes the only thing we can do is be where we are and have compassion for ourselves.

For me that meant spending the entire weekend in bed watching Hallmark movies and eating cannabis edibles. I ignored my task master mind that told me I was being lazy and that I could surely find something productive to do while in bed and I SURRENDERED. And guess what? I woke up Monday morning with no back pain at all.

Sometimes what we need in order to cultivate presence in the face of chaos is to just have mercy on ourselves and allow ourselves to just be human. We don’t have to do it all, every day. We just need to show up and meet ourselves where we are. I invite you to do this the next time life throughs you a curveball.

In Peace and Love,

Cara

P.S. There is a new moon in Leo on the 28th. It’s a perfect time to set new intentions for fun, creativity, romance and entertainment.

Tag: #selflove

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